People with a fixed mindset will not show interest in learning. Here is how they will likely behave if you give them your opinion on where they are found lacking. Either they know they are right regardless of what you say, or they will thank you and promise to investigate it when they feel the need to know. I am tempted to say that there is no point of insisting to tell them how to improve.
In direct opposition with the statement made in the preceding paragraph, when you give a feedback to a person with a growth mindset, they will show interest in learning whether their answer was right or wrong. Moreover, they will ask what the right information is. They will likely appreciate your help. Of course, we cannot decide who is who based on one instance. But when you know someone better, you should be able to know beforehand who will reject your opinion and who will pay attention to it.
Do you prefer success or challenge?
When you think about it, what would you prefer most, success or challenge? Let us take a few seconds for you to answer… there is no right or wrong answer. We all like to succeed. Success is good because it shows that we took the right decision, we followed the right path, and we have accomplished something. What success must not be is to validate your value. With or without success, we are valuable. On the other hand, challenge exposes us to learning opportunities. Learning leads to growth. Growth produces success.
Changing gears, a little bit, the same way we view success or challenge is the same way we think about our relationships. Every time I coach someone who is looking for a mate or working on improving their relationship, we go over a few things among which they must have a clear idea of who their ideal mate should be. We are different, and we have different expectations. Nonetheless, our expectations can influence the way we lead our life.
Relationships are what they are: relation-ships. They are not self-centered-ships. Relationships are the ships we enter to depend on and relate to others. As we relate to them, they relate to us. Analogously, if we were in a boxer engine, we would be the pistons. We would be swinging back and forth in a symmetrical motion. Our relation would be balanced because we provide what we expect, and the other piston provides what it expects. I hope you see the point.
We complete each other, we do not validate each other
Being in a relationship is not a place where one is the other person’s validator. No, the other person is not here to check your correctness. You are not in the relationship to check their validity and correctness either. If you engage yourself in a relationship because you want to feel valid and show that you are also valuable, that’s a wrong place to start because that relationship will show your limitations, and it is good for you when you think about it, to stretch them and learn, and grow. A relationship, whichever it be, is to make you grow.
I bless the Lord that I have not had everything easy in life. I have always had to fight blood and sweat to get what I want. Even when I drift back to a fixed mindset, these challenges have made me bounce back to the growth mode. You’ve got to love growth to win over gruesome challenges.
No one is flawless, and no one should presume in their heart to be. We all have flaws and must flush them off one by one as we toil through the cracks of life. The more flaws we shake off, the better and brighter we grow. You trim your tree to let it grow. We have flaws but must trim ourselves regularly to get better every day.
What if we are in a hostile relationship?
Could it be possible to be in a partnership or relationship with someone who has a fixed mindset and tends to drag you down all the time? Yes, it could be. So, what should we do in this situation? Maybe there is no single formula for every case, but whether in business or in personal life, there is a way to outgrow a hostile environment.
Fixed mindsets are usually sensitive to what you might consider mild. They can be insecure and surprise you with sizable allegations on something you have a total different view about. The first no-no thing for you to do in a hostile relationship is to blame, judge, or condemn. You will only add oil to the flame. The second no-no is to ignore the other party or ignore the issue at hand. Ignoring them is thinking that they are overreacting and there is nothing we can do about it. Ignoring the issue is either ignoring the person or refusing to admit that there is an issue going on. The third no-no is to just let them walkaway with these allegations all the time. If you adopt either of these three options, you won’t be growing.
What should you do then? You should acknowledge their point, let them know your intention, and invite them to talk things over. Some people will evade the conversation saying that it will produce nothing. But that is not true. The more antagonists sit down and talk issues over, the better their partnership becomes. If things don’t seem to improve right away, if you keep communicating, the other party might not make much change, but you will because you want it.
To grow, we must want growth. Partners must think about their relationships if they will grow. Do not just live as you go in your family or business. Think, predict, plan things out, act in advance. Have weekly goals, monthly goals, and annual goals to improve your relationships and act on your goals.
If you don’t address issues when they are still young, you will be crushed by them when they outgrow you. If you do not plan out your life, your family, or business, you will let your most important opportunities go by without any clue of how to take advantage of them.
It is one thing to have limitations or shortcomings. It is another thing to identify with them. And it is a total different thing to work on them. Those that get better at their art are those that never stop doing the right thing even when they fail ten thousand times. Whether in religion, health, career, family or relationships, money or education, if you stop trying to get better at what you’re doing because you think you don’t need to or you think you can never be better at it, you will crash. If you stop stretching your limitations, you will slide backward in your progress.
How people regress in life
Backsliding occurs because someone thought he or she could not please anyone with this much negativity in their life. People died prematurely because they thought it was not worth it to try to fix something. Couples split apart because they thought they had hit rock bottom and it would take more effort to try to fix things than start a new life. What about business ideas you let go of because you thought you could not succeed? When you stop honing your skills, you stop moving forward.
When it comes to improving your situation, whichever it may be, you have a choice. Either you put full impact on a short-term goal to change things and receive the applause of by-lookers, or you decide to focus on the long-term while addressing one step at a time even with less public impact. Sudden success is not against the law, but sudden success can fade out suddenly. Success reached over time stays over time.
There is a saying that goes like this: we do not feed the chicken the day of the market. In fast-paced economies maybe that is possible. It takes 21 days to grow a chicken from the hashed egg to an adult chicken. In third-world economies, you raise your chicken overtime in the farm. You take them to the market when they are big enough. It requires patience. The bigger the chicken, the more the money. Inflating your chicken’s stomach in one day because you’ve got to do this today will make it explode and you will lose and the money and the chicken. He who has ears to hear, let him hear.
There is something called organic market where you find items that were raised and grown in the farm with no chemicals. Everything was naturally grown. By opposition, there are other grocery stores where you find things grown with chemicals and artificial methods. In general grocery stores, the prices are lower than in organic markets. Not only that, it is said that naturally grown food is healthier than artificially grown food. You know what happens when you choose to feed yourself with fast-food. Take your time to improve your life. Every quick fix is temporary.
Some challenges will need more time to settle
If there is a challenge in your life, regardless of how big or small it is, you must address it. If you avoid a challenge because it is bigger than your abilities, you will never grow those abilities. To become a world-class fighter, you must beat the world-class champion or the number one in your sports discipline and category. If you think they are too strong to challenge, then you will never be number one. This illustration is to show you that you must not run away from your biggest challenges: you must figure out a way to face them.
If you want to grow fast, throw yourself in a challenge that is bigger than you can handle. There is no better way than this. Up your game by tackling the biggest challenges that come your way without neglecting the smaller ones because small flies can fester your lemonade.
If you are looking for a job, don’t just apply for what you can do or have done in the past. Apply with the biggest corporations you can find and apply for the positions you have not had yet. The worst thing they can do is say, “No!” When you have been in a position for three years, apply for an upper level in your company. If that is not possible, then reorganize your strategies by studying the strategies of your most successful competitors and come up with strategies that will overpower them the next three years.