He did not have enough confidence to ask for help or to quit
Let me surprise you with a wild true story. Once upon a time, two boys were fighting. Or were they? In fact, one was beating up on the other. I can’t remember how they got to the fists, but that’s not important. Apparently, there was no other way for the boys to settle their issue than to throw fits at each other. Now although you’d call it a fight, one boy stood there with one shoulder facing the other boy. The other boy was hitting his shoulder repeatedly. When the left shoulder was tired of receiving the beating, the boy turned the other way and the other boy continued hitting.
No, the boy who was receiving the beating was not avoiding the fight; he pretended that he was calculating and looking for the right moment to throw his first punch, you know how boxers do this right? They bow, make silly moves, cover their faces etcetera. So, the first boy was doing all of this but would not throw a punch. Let me tell you what was happening here.
The boy who was receiving the beating believed that he could not win this fight but he would not admit it in fear of losing face. So, he pretended he was calculating and waiting for the best opening to knock out the other guy when in fact he begged goodness to get the bystanders to break in and stop the fight. You see what I mean? He inwardly begged for someone to step in, but he had placed his confidence on outside lotus or on other people instead of placing his confidence on himself. Follow me!
What else would you call the attitude of our guy who kept making big moves but never threw a single punch? Plain simple, right? He wasn’t self-confident. Ain’t nothing hard about it. And I know this because I was the boy getting the beating. Lol but true. Maybe you have been in the same situation too. If it was not in a physical confrontation, maybe it was when you couldn’t make a move because you thought you couldn’t succeed in something without someone else stepping in.
This guy receiving the beating took a beggar position. Unlike a confident beggar who would walk up to you and ask for a blessing though, the guy in the story hid himself in a camouflaged courage and would not ask for help. Not only did he not have confidence that he could defend himself against his assailant, but he also didn’t have confidence that by asking for help he would still be himself in the eyes of his peers. He risked bigger damages just to cover his weakness.
Self-confidence is essential in everything we do. In their paper, Self-confidence and personal motivation, Roland Bénabou and Jean Tirole declare that self-confidence helps our motivation (2002.)
There is never a better way to address an issue and solve a problem than to identify the said issue. If you do not know what you’re dealing with, there is no way you’re going to figure out how to go about it. For you to get some food, you must know that the pinching you feel in your stomach is hunger, or else, you will run to the doctor’s instead. Now going to see the doctor for hunger is just unusual and besides unwise. The first step of solving a problem is to identify it. From time to time, we get to a point where our self-confidence is challenged. To address this issue and get back on track to boosting our self-confidence, the first thing to do is to identify what drives it down. Finding the problem must not be taken lightly: it is a serious issue in itself as the solution depends on it. So, how do we identify a problem? Stick with me, you will discover it next time.
In the meantime, whenever you have an issue, do not jump right into the solution without identifying the problem itself and in-depth. When I work with people, that’s what I suggest we do first. Sometimes it is difficult to do this on your own. At some point, depending on the complexity of the issue at hand, I can’t identify my issue on my own. It takes honesty and poise to realize that we need an additional hand at times. If you ever think you need an additional hand for something you’re working on, do not be the beggar who could not beg. It doesn’t have to be a bad situation.
Successful people seek coaches to help them be more successful.
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